Gratitude Monday

Heavy rain. Glorious sunshine. Hard work. Play. Pride weekend. Drinking on the streets in Dublin. Too much vodka. Pints of Guinness. Stolen kisses from a beardy, Scottish stranger. Boldness and mischief. Power naps. Tired & emotional taxi drive home. Rant about the one who will never love me like I want him too. Sore head. Deleted texts. Long shower. Pork and leek sausages. Marlay Park. Drinking beer in the sun. Chilling with family. Listening to the Pixies, live, for the third time in my life. Black Francis storming off stage. Arcade Fire. Arcade fucking Fire. Regine dancing her ass off. Neon ribbons. Face paint. Confetti explosions. Meeting an old college friend. Giant U2 bobble heads. Nothing Compares to You. Sun down. Chinese lanterns. Wake Up. Getting lost. Ice cream. Silly strangers on a bus. No voice. Long sleep in on a Monday morning. Braids in my hair. Strolling through Dublin in the blazing sunshine. Burgers on a patio. Weekend debriefing & catch up. Cinema. Sun burn (pink with pleasure). Bed time. Happy. Grateful.

 

summer

Take me back

To the good old days

Where we played in a

Field of bones.

Sitting down on

The mossy bank

and you tossing your

Sticks and stones.

Where hearts ran

Fearless through

Blades of grass

And tomorrow was

Our greatest unknown.  

midnight sun

take my aching

bones with my

broken heart

(and my shaken

confidence, baby)

and lay me

flat, out under

the midnight sun,

naked for my

clothes, stripped

for my soul,

and love me

with all your

heart, and hold

me with all

your brawn. 

don’t be afraid

 

Portobello, Dublin 8
Portobello, Dublin 8

 

I’m reading “Courage, The Joy of Living Dangerously” by Osho and I’ve challenged myself to be a ‘real warrior’ for one month- to do the opposite of what I normally do in situations that scare me, or challenge me. I’m taking baby steps, of course. I’m not about to go base jumping or anything like that!

Osho believes that once you can do the opposite of your usual response, you will understand how to drop both responses, and therefore you can become truly fearless. For me, it’s also about stretching out the time between stimulus and response. While I’m not particularly impulsive in my behaviour, my negative thought patterns and anxieties can go from zero to ninety when triggered.

I’m only a week or so in, and already I have seen how things simply do not fall apart when I react differently. Instead of acting in a way I feel is incongruent, I’ve simply disengaged from situations where I would have been so fearful of rocking the boat, or angering someone or simply not being the person they want me to be. It is interesting and liberating. I don’t feel cowardly or brave, meek or assertive. I just feel like myself as my best self.

like for like

for you showed

up in the bowels

of the night;

beer fuelled,

beaten down,

begging,

telling me all

I ever wanted

from You,

from the moment

we met,

colliding with

passion and fury.

I wanted,

desperately,

to feel something

else- indignant,

released, boundless.

I miss you too.

Like for like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hymn by Jack Kerouac

And when you showed me the Brooklyn Bridge
in the morning,
Ah God,

And the people slipping on ice in the street,
twice,
twice,
two different people
came over, goin to work,
so earnest and tryful,
clutching their pitiful
morning Daily News
slip on the ice & fall
both inside 5 minutes
and I cried I cried

That’s when you taught me tears, Ah
God in the morning,
Ah Thee

And me leaning on the lampost wiping
eyes,
eyes,
nobody’s know I’d cried
or woulda cared anyway
but O I saw my father
and my grandfather’s mother
and the long lines of chairs
and tear-sitters and dead,
Ah me, I knew God You
had better plans than that

So whatever plan you have for me
Splitter of majesty
Make it short
brief
Make it snappy
bring me home to the Eternal Mother
today

 

origami tree

Image

When my eyes burn,

Tired, in the blinding

Light of summer days,

Left lonely by

The gallivanting nights;

I sit, and stare

Through the branches

Of this origami tree

Inflamed, and flourishing,

From natures nourishing,

And feel it was unfolded

Just for me.