forgive

I see the hurt

Dug up by your hands,

Dealt out by your mouth,

Lying behind your eyes.

I see the jealousy, the fear,

The anger, loud and clear,

The pain in the lonely tear.

In me and in you.

I say I can’t forgive you.

I’m afraid; I can’t

Forgive myself too. 

.

I welcome this belly full

Of aches, this point

Where I fold,

Testament of my sex,

And my innate selfishness.

For shame that I embrace

Myself, this mess

Of womanhood-

This monthly burden of blood,

And failed motherhood-

This possessiveness,

Of my body; blood, sweat

And tears well spent.

Apologies,

No room to rent.

To Moros

Deep in the night

I lie calling,

Out to the glimmer

Of soulless eyes.

Frameless and blinded

By the desperation

Of billions beneath,

These perpetual skies.

I plead for the answers

Of questions

Unspoken,

And despise the silence of night.

I bargain with cowardly repentance

For a gesture or

Token,

To cast darkness into light. 

for cast

Drops settled on the grass,

Clinging, like the tears

On the downy

Baby hair upon my

Face, shining in the

Light, thrown out from

The kitchen; the heart

Of the home.

I stood beneath

The window sill,

Still but for the shaking

Of my hands picking

At the potted plants.

“You fucking cunt,”

You screamed, and a light

Flickered in the neighbours,

Those friendly strangers,

Pretending to keep themselves

To themselves.

“You fucking whore,

What are you good for?”

You asked that question,

And it hung around

Like a cloud threatening

Heavy, thundering rain;

Waiting to clear the

Air, to wash

Away the dirt,

The shame.

alone in thought

I could walk this sand for miles,

Alone in thought,

Watching the frothy tips of the sea

Edging forwards and

Backwards, courting the land,

Coquettishly promising submission.

The wind, slaps and

Grasps, leaving my skin

Pink with pleasure,

Stealing words,

From my throat.

My feet sink slightly

As I tread slowly,

Letting grain settle

In the cracks of my soles,

And I wonder how

It would feel to bear

The weight against

My body, my heart beating

Against its bony brace,

Breath quickening,

Patience tested until

The release.

I could walk this sand

For miles,

Alone in thought.